Tag Archives: life

Vague Dreams


My dreams are always the weirdest amongst my friends… They are funny and vivid and senseless and amazing.. Things change shape in less than a millionth fraction of a second and a series of inter-connected scenes are created that have no link with each other and yet they are all connected to me!!! I’m sharing them today because Kritika had a horrible one yesterday and I need to make her feel better about it.. By narrating mine, I’ll make her realize that such dreams are stupid and they won’t come true!

Last Night… I slept after telling an old friend.. the story of a girl who ran away with her boyfriend, struggled for saving her life and later, with the help of her family started a whole new episode. So the dream began with her face hovering over my motionless body (oh no I was not dead, I was asleep)… She was mumbling something in a language unknown to me and a tear dropped from her eyes and the next moment I saw a clear water river.. I could see small white stones and grey rock inside the water that were causing disruption in the motion of water.. Yes, no fishes or sea horses in my dream! I know it’s disappointing. Anyways, the small waves turned into a white wedding gown, the lower end of which was caressing the grass as the bride walked down the aisle .. there was no one in the entire area except her… but she did not care, I guess.. she moved towards a mirror and looked straight into my eyes.. oh my, it wass me looking at me.. and all of a sudden.. I relax my raised eye-brow and my lips twirled into a ok-now-I-understand kind of smile and I murmured with a promising simper.. I do!!! And then I heard my sister shouting at me, her irritating words – ‘I don’t care if you die of hunger but you will not get anything to eat until you find my lost lipstick.. How could you give it to Aashi for playing?? You are such an irresponsible shameless irksome fool…..’ That was it.. I picked up a knife and cut the gas-pipe and picked up a match-box from pooja-ghar, opened it and took out a match-stick and almost rubbed it against the box.. But, may be she was quicker than I was.. She jumped over me and I fell on floor bearing the weight of both our bodies and my head hit the sharp edge of her granite kitchen slab and I felt something hot… May be I succeeded in lighting a fire but then I felt a warm fluid in my eyes and the next second, I was sobbing with the same girl who was crying over someone’s dead body.. I’m sure a lot more happened in the dream but I remember only this much!!

PS: If you have a clue why my dreams are so crazy, or if you think they are not because this is what you call a normal dream, or you have a dream to share.. go ahead and tell me!!
Have a happy Sunday!! 🙂

Priyanka

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Chocolates!


My mood easily sways.. (‘~’)

Chocolates help always.. ~</:-)

Dairy milk when I’m tired.. zZzzzZZz..

Munch pop-chocs when I’m bored.. 😐

Ferrero Rocher if I’m sad.. 😦

Munch it is.. when I’m glad.. 🙂

Hot chocolate while it’s raining.. “;’.’,’;’.’.”..

Bournville when he is flirting ❤

Melody when I have to share.. :/

If it’s five-star I don’t care.. :C

I’ll eat Milky Bar alone.. 😦

Because Relish is long gone, ^_^

I have to eat Bar-one, :d

And I miss Kismi Bars.. ^..^

Personally hate Mars!! <\3

It has got to be Kit-kat.. !^_*!

Whenever I need a break!! \m/

I love to have Choco-pies.. :*

When all the fun dies!! :-{

Crackle is a school time favorite.. :’)

There is a lot to relate.. 😎

But time is what is short.. :/

So I’ll have Cadbury shot!! 😛

PS: I’d love to know what are your favorites, must-eat once in 2 days, I recommend you to eat, not even look at chocolates!!


Grandpa!!!


He would have been as tall as Akshay Kumar.. And, his built, similar to Late Mr. Sunil Dutt (as I have estimated after looking at the old snapshots). By now, he would have turned 90 (My grandma is 82.. so, another guess).. Even at the this age, I believe, he would still have been muscular!

 All that I know about my grand father is through my grandma’s narrations, old video CDs of his children’s wedding and my own imagination! My parents don’t like to talk about him because it makes them emotionally weak, they feel miserable.. They still don’t want to believe that he is no more. As for me, it was not hard to accept because he passed away in 1989 and I was born 2 years later!

Late Shri Sitaram Sabu, was born in Udaipurwati when India was under British rule.. Maa (Grandma) does not remember his birthdate (I wanna know his sun-sign). They got married when Maa was 12 years old (this she remembers, huh!) and he would have been 20 (this she assumed).

He had lived in Rajasthan, Kolkata, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Tamil Nadu and Madhya Pradesh (Indore). He was a part of the Indian struggle for independence. They had 8 children.. 5 boys (2 of whom met their end in childhood) and 2 girls. He was a wonderful, a dependable father to all his children alike and the cutest grandfather to my siblings. I’m the only child in my generation who was unable to meet him, see him.. who was neither pampered nor blessed by him..

This does not make me sad, but deep inside I have this longing.. that if only.. he was there to teach me to speak, to walk, to eat with my own hands.. to scold me if I did something wrong and later, try to convince me to talk to him.. to buy me new clothes every now and then and tell my mom off, if she complained.. to bring me chocolates without any occasions, to give me his collection of stamps as a keepsake (which I have already obtained from my father).. to tell his tale and basically love his smallest, cutest, and most adorable grand-daughter.. I just feel that I was deprived of such a lovely relationship, every time I come across a grand-dad and his little angel in his arms, or find someone who looks like a grand-father!

He was gone before I came, yet I never complain.. I don’t know why!! Knowing about him brings tears in my eyes, but it never makes me unhappy.. I don’t know why!! I never met him, yet I miss him.. I don’t know why!! I dunno him, yet I love him.. .. I don’t know why!! (Please tell me if you have the answers). My closest guess is that there’s a part of him in me which does not like to see me upset..

I know you can’t read this but I hope you do Bauji!

Pranaam

Pinky 🙂 


What Keeps Me Going..


A few things I do for Mindless Entertainment..

I sit back, close my eyes, turn some soft music on (usually instrumental) at low volume and concentrate on it.. Aah!! It’s so pacifying!!

I listen to The Arctic Light, and the lullaby from The Twilight Saga a lot!

A leisurely walk with a friend or two.. or a conversation on phone with my closest friends.. chatting about stuff other than college or family or future.. calms me down!

I pray at times with eyes wide open.. watching the idol of Lord Krishna.. it gives me hope and strength besides soothing my brain!

Baal Gopal
I look at the old pictures of everyone.. or listen to the stories my grandma has to tell.. or play with my 5-year-old niece.. It takes off all the loads from my mind!!


I try to train my birds.. although they are a nasty bunch of disobedient budgies.. but it really makes me happy!

There are many other things that I enjoy doing…. or that help me relax.. but these 5 top the list!

I hope you enjoyed reading.. and if you are free for a minute or two.. Go ahead and tell me what things you do… other than work, which make you feel good!

Cheers!!

Priyanka 🙂


Happy Woman’s Day!!


So, it’s woman’s day.. and here I am.. This is me.. Posting about.. One of the strongest (in terms of emotions) women I know.. who inspire me..

On 23rd feb 2011, I posted.. I was the eldest daughter of my parents… I would suggest you read that one first. (The link above will redirect you there!)

All that she went through is nothing compared to the sorrows in my life.. Yet she would always be more than happy to share my problems and try to solve them… Behind her benevolent smile.. you could definitely see a shadow of the dark times she had faced.. But that could happen only if she would let you probe her eyes… and if you had the ability to dig deep.. And she would never allow me to do that!!

‘You are too young to know my reality’, she would say! (HUH!!)

So, what kept her happy 90% of the time? I asked her 2 years back, ‘How, Ma’am how.. What keeps you going through all of this?’

She asked, ‘Why do you bother?’

‘I said, ‘ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? I AM CONCERNED ABOUT YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MA’AM… I CARE FOR YOU!!’ … That was it… My moment of epiphany.. She looked at me, her face flashing the same warm smile.. Reality struck me and somewhere deep inside my heart a something hit so hard, I had never felt so cold before and yet so amazed .. She was happy because even after all these years of mental torture and loss, there were people who really truly loved her.. And one of them, was me!!

She always used to say how great she felt when her children (students) touched her feet, greeted her with affection, approached her in the troubled times, thanked her after the results were out and the never-ending list of such experiences!

She tried to avoid those negative feelings which comprised more than half of her life till now, and used to cherish the love she used to receive from her students! I had never thought about this earlier. I was always like.. I knew parts of her story.. that I overheard while my mother was discussing it with my grandma! I wanted her to speak it out in front of me.. I wanted her to share it with me, like I shared everything with her!

So, one day.. I forced it out of her.. without thinking once that how distressing it might be for her.. that those memories will haunt her insides while recounting them all over again.. Wasn’t it enough that she had suffered once while living through it? Why was I so curious? Why the hell I did not think about it once!!! Well, I was in class 7th when I had asked her.. so I guess, it’s justified. 😛

Her answer as I had mentioned earlier included the following phrases:

I was the eldest daughter of my parents. I raised my younger brothers and sisters after my parents died! I could not get married because I had responsibilities.  Now, they call me up once in a blue moon,  just to check if I am still alive, or not! I met with a major accident at the age of 26 and my face was completely damaged… Before that, I used to be a beautiful woman! I helped my friend (whom I loved) marry his girlfriend after that accident. I financed some acquaintances when they needed money, they are all rich today, but they never bother to return the loans.

It had rattled my cage, when I saw her composed expressions while narrating the miserable episodes of her life back then. But today, I understand the reason behind every single reaction she gave me!

How positive a person can be..?? As positive as she is.. cause I have written it in short but, she suffered through all this for more than 25 years and still she did not lose hope… So there are no limits to optimism.!! She never went into depression because she tried to find beauty in the darkness, and she did.. She tried to enjoy every day like it’s her last.. She began teaching and it was self-satisfying to build futures. What could be better than that? She loved her students like her own children, and they loved her back.. And she knew that their love was for real and forever!! This is how she made it possible and this is how she is still able to survive!!

PS
Once we had a bet.. she said I’ll forget her when I’ll be at the peak of my career.. and I was like that is impossible.. The bet is still on Ma’am.. I’ll never forget you and it’s only you who will be credited with my success in anything that I achieve ever!! I’ll make it sure!

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!

Yours truly.

Pinky 🙂


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