A day before exams @Celebrations, one of my favorite hangout places!
Soon I’ll be going back home.. just for 6 days, I will be able to put my woolens on, go on the long drives and freeze, and chomp on the crazy Indori food!!
A day before exams @Celebrations, one of my favorite hangout places!
He would have been as tall as Akshay Kumar.. And, his built, similar to Late Mr. Sunil Dutt (as I have estimated after looking at the old snapshots). By now, he would have turned 90 (My grandma is 82.. so, another guess).. Even at the this age, I believe, he would still have been muscular!
Late Shri Sitaram Sabu, was born in Udaipurwati when India was under British rule.. Maa (Grandma) does not remember his birthdate (I wanna know his sun-sign). They got married when Maa was 12 years old (this she remembers, huh!) and he would have been 20 (this she assumed).
He had lived in Rajasthan, Kolkata, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Tamil Nadu and Madhya Pradesh (Indore). He was a part of the Indian struggle for independence. They had 8 children.. 5 boys (2 of whom met their end in childhood) and 2 girls. He was a wonderful, a dependable father to all his children alike and the cutest grandfather to my siblings. I’m the only child in my generation who was unable to meet him, see him.. who was neither pampered nor blessed by him..
This does not make me sad, but deep inside I have this longing.. that if only.. he was there to teach me to speak, to walk, to eat with my own hands.. to scold me if I did something wrong and later, try to convince me to talk to him.. to buy me new clothes every now and then and tell my mom off, if she complained.. to bring me chocolates without any occasions, to give me his collection of stamps as a keepsake (which I have already obtained from my father).. to tell his tale and basically love his smallest, cutest, and most adorable grand-daughter.. I just feel that I was deprived of such a lovely relationship, every time I come across a grand-dad and his little angel in his arms, or find someone who looks like a grand-father!
He was gone before I came, yet I never complain.. I don’t know why!! Knowing about him brings tears in my eyes, but it never makes me unhappy.. I don’t know why!! I never met him, yet I miss him.. I don’t know why!! I dunno him, yet I love him.. .. I don’t know why!! (Please tell me if you have the answers). My closest guess is that there’s a part of him in me which does not like to see me upset..
I know you can’t read this but I hope you do Bauji!
So, it’s woman’s day.. and here I am.. This is me.. Posting about.. One of the strongest (in terms of emotions) women I know.. who inspire me..
On 23rd feb 2011, I posted.. I was the eldest daughter of my parents… I would suggest you read that one first. (The link above will redirect you there!)
All that she went through is nothing compared to the sorrows in my life.. Yet she would always be more than happy to share my problems and try to solve them… Behind her benevolent smile.. you could definitely see a shadow of the dark times she had faced.. But that could happen only if she would let you probe her eyes… and if you had the ability to dig deep.. And she would never allow me to do that!!
‘You are too young to know my reality’, she would say! (HUH!!)
So, what kept her happy 90% of the time? I asked her 2 years back, ‘How, Ma’am how.. What keeps you going through all of this?’
She asked, ‘Why do you bother?’
‘I said, ‘ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? I AM CONCERNED ABOUT YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MA’AM… I CARE FOR YOU!!’ … That was it… My moment of epiphany.. She looked at me, her face flashing the same warm smile.. Reality struck me and somewhere deep inside my heart a something hit so hard, I had never felt so cold before and yet so amazed .. She was happy because even after all these years of mental torture and loss, there were people who really truly loved her.. And one of them, was me!!
She always used to say how great she felt when her children (students) touched her feet, greeted her with affection, approached her in the troubled times, thanked her after the results were out and the never-ending list of such experiences!
She tried to avoid those negative feelings which comprised more than half of her life till now, and used to cherish the love she used to receive from her students! I had never thought about this earlier. I was always like.. I knew parts of her story.. that I overheard while my mother was discussing it with my grandma! I wanted her to speak it out in front of me.. I wanted her to share it with me, like I shared everything with her!
So, one day.. I forced it out of her.. without thinking once that how distressing it might be for her.. that those memories will haunt her insides while recounting them all over again.. Wasn’t it enough that she had suffered once while living through it? Why was I so curious? Why the hell I did not think about it once!!! Well, I was in class 7th when I had asked her.. so I guess, it’s justified.
Her answer as I had mentioned earlier included the following phrases:
I was the eldest daughter of my parents. I raised my younger brothers and sisters after my parents died! I could not get married because I had responsibilities. Now, they call me up once in a blue moon, just to check if I am still alive, or not! I met with a major accident at the age of 26 and my face was completely damaged… Before that, I used to be a beautiful woman! I helped my friend (whom I loved) marry his girlfriend after that accident. I financed some acquaintances when they needed money, they are all rich today, but they never bother to return the loans.
It had rattled my cage, when I saw her composed expressions while narrating the miserable episodes of her life back then. But today, I understand the reason behind every single reaction she gave me!
How positive a person can be..?? As positive as she is.. cause I have written it in short but, she suffered through all this for more than 25 years and still she did not lose hope… So there are no limits to optimism.!! She never went into depression because she tried to find beauty in the darkness, and she did.. She tried to enjoy every day like it’s her last.. She began teaching and it was self-satisfying to build futures. What could be better than that? She loved her students like her own children, and they loved her back.. And she knew that their love was for real and forever!! This is how she made it possible and this is how she is still able to survive!!
Once we had a bet.. she said I’ll forget her when I’ll be at the peak of my career.. and I was like that is impossible.. The bet is still on Ma’am.. I’ll never forget you and it’s only you who will be credited with my success in anything that I achieve ever!! I’ll make it sure!
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!
I was filling the form of a competitive exam in Axis Bank (it’s the last date to submit the form) when an extraordinarily beautiful girl walked in. Snow white skin, sharp features, light brown hair and the slightest hint of blue in her eyes. Yeah her eyes were blue and so was she. It seemed that she had cried them out until a minute ago! But, why? :/ I did not like it.. The moment I had this urge to make her happy somehow, I noticed, a smile was starting to spread from her lips.. which gleamed in her eyes the next moment.. and a tear dropped down from one of those… But this time, there was an expression of relief on her face.. she seemed to have won a long fought cause and the struggle just got over.. And yet, she was unable to decide whether to weep in joy or dissolve into laughter!! I felt triumphant for her victory and realized that I was yearning to know what just happened to her?
I guess I know now, why I felt connected.. This is what made me sense a deja-vu when I finally convinced my father to send me out for further studies!! I had spent last few days of my life wondering that my problems won’t ever end. If I’ll solve one, another much difficult trouble will head my way. It was simply pathetic to feel so miserably weak! It was then when I met Sana….
She took the same form from the reception and came to sit beside me! Mmmmm.. Nice fragrance.. CK I suppose! I was wanting to talk to her but she spoke before I could find the right words. It was a child-like voice, the way it sounds when they wake up and rub their sleep from their eyes!! Soft, lazy.. but, strong.. a little more than a murmur! She enquired about what details to fill in. I explained it to her and it was strangely satisfying to have helped her! There was a battle going on in my mind.. a battle between my decency and my curiosity! Should I ask her the cause of her sorrow and then, how she overcame it? As usual, the boring and irritating.. decent me, prevailed!
Now, as soon as I gave my curiosity, the instructions to shut it up.. She spoke again.. this time her voice more composed and even.. But, there was the sound of a longing.. a desire to express herself.. to let the cat out of the bag in-front of some stranger.. and feel easier in her mind.. She told me all about it.. That she was an MBA aspirant just like I was.. How she had gone for further studies to some other city and her parent’s brought her back within a month.. That she had a hard time convincing her family, that all she wants is two years from her own life.. That she will not run away with just anyone.. That she will come back home after she was done with her master’s degree.. That she will marry the guy of their choice and not her own!!
How sick.. but true.. You have to take permission to live your own life from those who have already lived more than half of theirs!! This problem is faced by a lot many Indian girls.. But, the scenario is changing.. slowly and steadily!!!
Anyways, she was happy now.. her family convinced.. all the arrangements made.. all she had to do was clear this management entrance test.. and get out of this web where she was entangled for almost 21 years!! I kept listening all this while, “hmmmm’ing” and “ohhh..okay’ing”, time and again! Her struggle story gave me more strength than her success story.. This is what helped me try.. to talk to my dad.. This is what made me think positive again.. I’ll always be thankful to her!!
I’m glad I met you Sana..
You are an inspiration to me!!
All the very best for the rest of your life!!
May you get all that you deserve and wish for!
I was a little disturbed a while ago.. But my conviction that every time you enter a crisis.. you step out stronger.. If one door is closed in your face.. There’s no use standing there disappointed.. Either break that door or turn around to find other open ones!! I did not lose hope.. I tried and it worked!! Here’s the story:
Your poem blew away my mind.!!
Its amazing how a poetry of mine..
Fetched another one of it’s kind.!!
So I’ll tell you what made me jive..
In the simplest words that I could find.!!
I was sitting with him in the dining hall..
He’s my father.. I’m his doll.!! (:p)
He’s a li’l conservative and I’m off the wall!!
You might not find it interesting at all..
It was a stainless steel glass after-all..
Which contained a yogurt-based..
“Lassi” is what.. it is called!!
It keeps your body cool and brain relaxed!!
This is a harsh piece of information..
But this is what always happens..
To a lot of girls who are Indians..
They get married after graduation..
But, I want to go out for higher eduation..
My family had their own objections!!
All my elder sisters thought…
That there is no hope..
But again as I said…
I convinced my dad..
He told me of his fears..
When you talk, doubt clears..
I tried and it worked..
It worked because I tried..
I know it’s not rhyming too..
But, I’m sure now you see..
I was hiding nothing..
I just could not frame..
My words back then..
But, your lines inspired mine..
And we have another of it’s kind!!
This was the only way..
I could hug you back..
Now to write would be like to play!!
I’m glad to have found a blogging friend.. in you!!
Thanks a lot!!
I was the eldest daughter of my parents. I raised my younger brothers and sisters after my parents died! I could not get married because I had responsibilities. Now, they call me up once in a blue moon, just to check if I am still alive, or not! I met with a major accident at the age of 26 and my face was completely damaged… Before that, I used to be a beautiful woman! I helped my friend (whom I loved) marry his girlfriend. I financed some acquaintances when they needed money, they are all rich today, but they never bother to return the loans.
These are a few words that I clearly remember from our conversations! It rattled my cage when I saw her composed expressions while narrating the miserable episodes of her life. And there I sat, in a hope that I could personally meet all those people who betrayed her and slap each of them right in front of their kids. But more than that, I was angry with her because she let them have undue advantage of her generosity. Huh!! She laughed at my anger and brushed it off with her benevolent smile! I mean.. what the hell! I cannot swallow this! How can a person be so good at heart and lose almost everything.. parents, family, love, beauty, money… Why did she have to face all the ills that one can possibly imagine? Why? I really hated this!
I know I wrote about this blog as being filled with happiness… and till now, all I have blogged about is.. complaining about the present conditions in India, its people and the government, and then I’m writing a story with such a sad title “Hey… She used to be my best friend” and now I am writing down another sad excerpt from some forlorn figure’s life! But all I want to share is, despite of all the misfortunes, she lives happily.. she is content! Now how can that be..?? How positive a person can be..?? Are there no limits to optimism..?? How is it possible that she never felt depressed and enjoys every day like its her last?
I’ll write how she made it possible… soon! very soon!